Beware the Four Chrome Rings
Arrr! Those reliable Germans. They build cars with precision, technique and technology but the one thing that has always been in rather short supply has been soul.
German cars or rather the drivers of such machines have always, give or take, fallen into three distinct categories of road manners. If the car was being driven like the driver's arse was on fire, then chances are, it was a BMW. If, on the other hand, the driver of such a machine had a sense of pseudo superiority and arrogance usually reserved for civil servants and government ministers, the chances are it was a Mercedes.
Audi drivers tended to be the sort who wanted German engineering without the arrogance or reputation.
Think back to your days at school and the resident school bully who would strutt around with that constant snarl on his face, giving Chinese burns, ear mushes and relieving all junior boys of the burden that was their dinner money.
It's that kind of attitude that forms the pyschological make up of your average BMW driver. Think about it: your school's bully and then ponder what car you would expect him to be seen driving. Sooner or later you'll come to the same conclusion I have and you'll be very surprised to see him in anything other than a BMW M5.
Alternatively, look out of your mock Tudor, PVC, triple-glazed windows and onto your driveway - if there is a M5 sitting there, then you are the git I am talking about. Let me know your address and I'll send you my dinner money post haste. Maybe you'd like to spend it getting some much needed psychotherapy; you're overcompensating for your lack of love from your family, taking it out on everyone around you, freak-show, super-git, dumb-arse!!
What was I talking about? Oh yes, Zee Germans. Well, now we're well into the 21st century, Audi have decided that the middle class nice people who have always purchased their products up to now are a bit dull so they've decided to spice things up by adding a healthy dose of steroids to their product range, with disasterous consequences.
The super-gits who were strictly the reserve of the blue and white propellor have started a migration, nay, stampede to Audi dealers instead - with the result that, yes, that really was the driver of an A6 flashing his headlamps, sounding his horn and flicking V's as he overtakes you next to a school. It wasn't an optical illusion or a figment of your deranged imagination; he really was driving an Audi.
So today's lesson is quite simple, dear listeners. Beware the Four Chrome Rings because it might well be a school bully-mobile in disguise ...
5 March 2009